Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize