There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
