At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
