take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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