OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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