i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
