the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
