hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
