i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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