I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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