dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
