No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
