Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
