Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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