I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
