I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
