Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
