I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
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Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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