then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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