How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
