Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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