Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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