I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
