The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
