Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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