it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
