I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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