Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The air taste purple.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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