All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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