I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
