you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
