Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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