sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
