It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
