I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
