he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
