either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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