omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
