My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
