I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
