My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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