she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
