he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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