i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
