We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
