you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
