I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
