He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Shame - the story of my life.
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