some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The beer is more important than you right now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
