i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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