happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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