thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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