i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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