dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
