Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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