I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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