Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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