My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
