she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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