i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
