Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
