did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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