So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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