just come out here and I will go home with you...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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