If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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