There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
