The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
