Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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