I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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